On the Origin of the Species

When I was on the bus today a man got on wearing a wide brimmed hat with a wide brown band. The design of the hat was an odd, uneven mottled brown and white with no logic to it. As he got closer to me I noticed that parts of the design naturally fell into the houndstooth category-- or perhaps the whole thing was attempting an houndstooth design and failing. It was crazy. Then he got even closer to me, and I was able to see what was up with this hat. It was made out of brown and white bands of material woven together, but in an imperfect fashion. At that moment I realized that houndstooth is formed by a pattern of two contrasting colors of materials that are woven together-- vertically, horizontally, and... here's the key... diagonally!

This was a groundbreaking discovery, and the excitement from realizing that was almost enough to hide the migraine and nausea that came on me like drowning in an ocean of cheap cologne. This was it! The discovery I've been seeking, apparently. My congratulations to myself came in a rush as I leapt off the bus at the next stop and puked into a trash can.